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How to Share your Holiday Between Multiple Families

by - December 22, 2019

Holiday season can be quite hectic and if you are also privileged to have a big family or have family members who you can spend the holidays with, it can get a little hard trying to figure out how to spend time with everyone. When you marry someone you pretty much marry them and their entire family, and so when the holidays come around there is this need to share the love equally. Which honestly is just unrealistic, but I think the most important part is being as fair as you humanly can be and do what works most importantly for yourself and your family.
  • Communicate with you partner way ahead of time on how you all want to handle the holidays, I think we all sometimes just assume but rather than assuming everyone is on the same page have set out plan on how you want to spend the holiday. Especially those first years try to understand what each other's traditions are around the holiday and try to build your own traditions based off of that. But having a set plan of where and what family you will spend each and every holiday with, will make it all easier. 

  • Be fair and try to shuffle things around, some years you might choose to spend thanksgiving with one family and the next year you choose to spend Christmas with them. Trying to give everyone a fair amount of family time is so important. I recently spoke with a co-worker who was explaining how her brother recently got married, and the whole time him and his now wife were dating they had always done Christmas with his family. Now that they are married, they have completely switched it up and do all holidays with her family which is something her mom is very disappointed and hurt by. So I think just trying to be fair and know which holidays you will do with each family, or if you even want to do both holidays with both families be sure to break up times so everyone feels the love. 
  • Sometimes you can make the decision to not do the holidays with either family and just do it on your own, and then your families can decide if they would like to come to you. A friend of mine told me once she and her husband started having kids, they made the decision they would not be traveling to see families for the holidays. Instead they host their own small family holiday dinner, and extended family decide if they can make it down or not. By doing this, it makes it easier on her and her husband not having to figure out which family they would be spending what holiday with. 

Honestly there is no one size fits all on this topic, every family gets to decide what works best for them and no matter how hard you try someone will always feel like you didn't try hard enough. So just do what works best for you and your immediate family, and build your own traditions that will last as life long memories for your kids. 

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