Alot .Of. Tola

• Support is what fuels this unpaid job, having people that are checking in, helping to step in and carry the weight when you need a little break. Good support for moms makes things a lot easier, having people you can call on either to ask for assistance or just to vent will make the burden a lot less heavy. 
• Support system is the village that carries you in motherhood, those are the people who uplift you and help in sowing into your kids. I think back to my childhood, having my grandparents active in our lives made a world of a difference especially with the extra help they were for my mom. Stepping in for carpools and just a sound board and voice of reason. 
• Motherhood can be quite a lonely journey in part because of how it hits you, there is no script or grade that  tells your if you are doing things right or wrong but, that's where support system comes in to lift you. A good support system will ease off the overwhelming feeling. 

Your Post baby body can never go back to what it was before children, no matter how in shape you are there are changes that will forever be a part of you whether that be the new stretch marks you are are spotting now, or that oh so wonderful mommy pooch or those sexy new curves that comes with that beautiful new baby. Whatever it is that you are spotting now, as women especially as mother's this is something society needs to talk about and help us to understand and own it.
So many mother's after having a baby are feeling the rush and a lot of times the unspoken pressure to have "the snap-back", the idea that you are suppose to birth a child that can range from 6 to 10 pounds at full term, and by the following month you need to be "snatched" and back to having wash board abs is just a very crazy ideology that I believe society needs to do away with.


I would like to instead gear the conversation to a mother's mental health after baby, too many women have babies and not a lot of people are asking her how she is doing. No I am not talking about how the baby is fed or how she is getting sleep. No I am talking about checking on her, having conversations with new moms and sometimes old moms as well cause lets be honest a woman could have kids for 5 or 6 years and still dealing the residues of that reality and adjusting to each phase that comes along.

We need to focus more on helping mothers not only feel confident in their body, but in their new normal. I can't tell you how many times I have skipped out on going to a restaurant because of the fear of being judged when my toddler decides to have an uncalled for tantrum. I know I was once one of those judgy eyes, but that is in part to the narrative society has set around kids. The minute you see a mother with a little child, everyone wants to run far away. People see a mother with a screaming baby in tow walking through an airport and very rarely does someone stop to assist. I would love if the narrative focused on building communities around moms, supporting them and checking on them.
Life as a mom especially as a young mom who has a lot on her plate can be daunting, mother's need to feel good, need to be able to focus on the blessings that this new chapter will bring about. And rather than focusing on the physical things like their body and wanting to set these sometimes unrealistic goals to achieve the "snap-back" by hurrying back in the gym, society needs to really shift the narrative to making sure mom are doing good, they are feeling confident about this new role and most importantly they have the right resources and support system in place.

Going back to work after having a baby is one of the hardest parts of motherhood, you feel like you are doing your baby a disservice and not giving them your all. Its weird because even though this is my second time around you would think dropping off the baby at daycare and heading to work would be a total breeze but honestly it feels like it never really gets easier mommy guilt seems to stay fresh and always creeping in. No matter how much you love your job or how much you need the money, going back to work full time and being a full time mom will be very hard to balance but its not impossible.
Being mentally prepared is number one, I think the idea of going back to work is easier said than actually done. So being mentally prepared isn't just about saying OK I am ready to get back to work cause lets be real you can say you are ready to go back but once you start your day to day it will hit you hard. Being mentally prepared in the sense that you are being realistic of the fact that you will be missing a lot now. For me, my life went from full time being home with the girls getting to be able to volunteer at Simi's school and fully present in every way to now still being present but having to miss certain things because well some days work mom duty calls.


Making sure your game plan is in tack, I am gonna be honest I am the absolute worse with organization and making sure all my ducks are in a row, but knowing that most of the week day me and my kids will be spending it away from our home I had to make sure I had some what of a solid plan. Researching the best daycare and after school care was priority on my list. And then making sure to have a solid back up plan and even a back up plan for your back up is so necessary. I mean you can't help things happening like kids getting sick or just life happening in general, but as long you stay ahead of it you can some what help the transition of being back to work and not being around as much as you usually are go as smoothly as possible.
Work Life Balance is Key!!!  When you become a mom your life is very much about this new baby and being the very best mother you can be for this new child. But just because you are a mom now doesn't mean you give up your life and goals so I totally support a working mom that wants to get out of the house and work on her goals and purpose but you have to realize that you need to balance that as well. You have to give yourself deadlines, and be strict with your time. Be vigilant and know that you have to give of yourself in little doses so you don't over stretch and over work yourself.
Its going to be an adjustment and might take some time to feel (or maybe you will never) feel like you have it all in control but my advice to working moms is just to be ahead of things, planning and maybe even over-planning. And have a solid support of people that you can go to both at work and at home, most importantly just know you are doing this because its the best for your family and for yourself!

Simi turned six years old about two weeks ago, and I am honestly still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I have a whole 6 year old child I can't even deal. But also with her birthday being in January, it can be kind of hard planning fun birthday parties because well she was born in the middle of winter and all the crappy weather. Well this year I kept going back and forth about what to do for her birthday, and since she actually had a count down going I felt even more obligated to make it a memorable birthday. Planning kids birthday parties can be so much especially when you have a critical child like mine, who has opinions on everything (she is a hand full lol)  so I wanted to share a few tips to make planning kid's birthday party  successful.

• Location, Location, Location!!! Picking the right location for a birthday party is really what will make or break the party. You want a location that either has a built in package, some places have packages with foods and all the fun included or if it doesn't have a built in package it has tons of options to keep the kids busy. We were able to celebrate Simi's birthday at Epic Waters and there were so many endless possibilities from the fun to food. From the different water rides, to the fully stocked arcade space, we had so many different ways to keep the girls busy. Also the amazing part of Epic Waters, they have the option to rent a birthday room and you can build your package to your need and want. 

• Find a way to involve the parents and adults in the fun as well. So many times when we plan birthday parties, we focus so much on making it fun and amazing for the kids, which that should be priority but we also tend to forget the adults that will be bringing those kids to the party. So When planning either incorporate fun activities that can be entertaining for the adults or find a location that has a way to keep the parents entertained too. Which was one of the reason why Epic Waters was not only amazing for Simi and Temi, but my husband and I had just as much fun as the girls. We literally spent the entire day at the water park and it had something that was interesting for the entire family. My personal favorite ride was the lazy river (The Rio Grand), the perfect place to relax and recharge from all the excitement with the girls. 
• Most importantly just make sure the celebrant has a great time, one thing I have learnt in being a mom to little girls you could throw the most amazing birthday party but if your toddler doesn't have a good time then that party just sucks. Make sure they get to do all the fun things they are interested for that day. Simi was a big fan of the water slides, and I can't tell you how many times she went down that thing I even got exhausted from watching. But it was her day and we were going to do whatever she liked to keep her busy and the day as fun as possible

• I feel like when you become a mom the idea of sleep and rest become a thing of the past, your life becomes so consumed in this new chapter you realize you are getting less and less sleep. But getting a good night's sleep is one of the most import and probably the most important ways you can continue to be a good mom. I am still learning how to be at least get a full 8 hours of sleep, but I realize implementing the idea of comfort like changing my sheets to these amazing Cariloha Bamboo bed sheets has helped tremendously. But making rest (which honestly means whatever that is to you) and sleep a priority can really do a lot to recharge you and keep you from burning out. 
• Eat and eating right, its funny how many mom's you will ask who just sometimes get so caught up in their day to day and actually forget to eat (one right here lol) Life as a mom can be quite hectic and some days just fly by and you are getting ready for bed at 10 PM trying to remember what you ate today. So just consciously making an effort to eat at least 3 meals per day, and actually making those meals healthy options. 
• Make Time to visit the Doctor, you know how many reminders I set to make sure I don't forget to make my kids doctor appointment or just any type of issues arrives with them health wise I have the doctor's office on speed dial. But I can count how many times on one hand I have done the same for myself. And this isn't because I don't care for my health, but it just comes down to the idea of being too busy or getting carried away, such a cop out excuse honestly but that's just be how crazy life gets. So Just making your health and visiting the doctor as much a priority as your kid's. 

A lot of mom's get into go mode and just continue going, especially when you have more than one your schedule and calendar start to slowly fill up with children related activity and with all that you can easily get carried away about even the simple day to day. What is something off this list you will definitely be implementing or just anything in general you are going to be doing differently?

I remember after I had my first daughter I was stressing majorly, worried every single day about every single thing from how I was doing as a mom, to make sure I was breastfeeding and feeding her enough, to all the minimal problems that arise as a mom. To think now six years later, I have a whole toddler (can you imagine lil ole me, a mom to a full grown toddler chillayyy lol) I have done a pretty decent job in raising her and guess what I haven't broken her and I even have another one and we are surviving just fine. One of the biggest struggles that pretty much all new mom's face is being too hard on ourselves, we all have this sometimes very unrealistic idea of what motherhood should look like and when things don't pan out that way we worry, and then that worry makes us doubt ourselves and our capabilities to be the best moms to our babies. Well I am here to tell you ease off yourself and give yourself a BREAK!!!

• Guess what that little baby is going to be just fine I can promise your that. Except if you are just pure evil and doing every wrong thing in the book (well that is a different conversation) but as long as you have good intentions, and you are making smart decisions for your child then that's all that matters. We really can't control it all and you most certainly can't predict what will come up, but you can prepare as best as you can and then just be ready to learn along the way. 
• You are human, you are bound to make mistakes, you won't do it all right but that is fine and actually I think motherhood was meant for us to make mistakes. If the people before us didn't make mistakes, how would we know what is considered right and wrong today. 
• All the little freak outs and little things you think are big deals, won't matter. There are so many things I freaked out about with Simi, I was so worried I was being a horrible mom cause I had to go back to work FT and take her to daycare in the middle of winter in Colorado. But guess what she is 6 years old now, doesn't remember any of that and honestly the fun family memories far out weigh all the minimal things I ever worried about.