Alot .Of. Tola

Dress c/o pinkblush

Its been almost two months since Temi has been born (check out her birth story here), Its been quite an adjustment to not only get used to having a newborn around but also just back to being myself. I realize having a baby does a lot to the body not only physically but emotionally and this past two months I have spent time not only getting to know my new baby but also getting back to myself. Like I said in previous post this pregnancy was a lot different this time around than the first time, my body felt that difference the most, after I had my first daughter my snap game was on point but this time around I am learning that its a process. I have heard the saying "it took 9 months to grow this child so it will take time for your body to return to what it was before". After the first month I noticed that my belly stopped going down, I knew that my uterus was done shrinking back to size (cause those awesome cramps were done) Anyway it started to make me worry because I expected my body wasn't gonna bounce back like first baby, but I didn't think I would still be looking 6 months pregnant after the baby was out. So of course I started to google and research the heck out of everything, in my research I learnt about Diastasis Recti. Pretty much what that means, is my abdominal muscle is separated a little more than the usual separation you get from pregnancy and thus is causing the wonderful pooch I have been rocking post baby. Its been a struggle coming to term with how I look right now, and of course along with my wonderful pooch I am still carrying quite a bit of weight and not back to my pre baby weight just yet.


But a couple of weeks ago I decided I was gonna stop being in my feelings about the whole situation, I can't change my body to become what I want it to be overnight so all I can do is get a better outlook on it all. So within the last week I have started to exercise again, nothing too crazy or intense mostly because with Diastasis I can't do anything too extreme. I also decided to start actually dressing up (enough with the sweatpants lol), I still can't quite fit into all my pre-baby clothes but thankfully I have been able to find a few items that I feel comfortable in like this beautiful PinkBlush dress, its very free and airy perfect for this wonderful Texas heat and the off-shoulder is very much on thread which I love.

Pregnancy is one of the most rewarding and beautiful periods in a woman's life honestly, but it does put your body through quite a bit. Sadly we live in world today where women have a baby and the next day they are posting their washboard abs (which is definitely goals lol), and people want to pretend like their lives are perfect and peachy. But the reality is most women have a baby and they probably never see their abs again or they probably never lose that baby weight but that is fine, the most important thing for me during this time is making sure I am mentally intact and I am present for my children and love them the right way than beating myself up because my body doesn't look the way some strangers does a minute after they had their baby last week. I am enjoying this time and respecting that my recovery and body isn't the same as the next.

I know most of you have heard the saying, "becoming a mom changes you" I never quite understood what that saying truly meant till I became a mother myself. Everyday I thank God for blessing me with my amazing little girls that get to call me mommy everyday, being a mother is one of the greatest blessings in my life and I can't see my life today without my two little girls in it.

They have thought me how to be confident in myself and sure in my decisions. Prior to being a mom I would say I was "fake" confident, more worried about what others thought than what I thought. But, something about being responsible for other people's lives gives you a new found confidence.

Being a mom has definitely grown and strengthened my relationship with fellow mothers in my life, especially my own mother. Growing up I always thought my mom was just being mean and didn't want me to live my life. Now I am on the other side of the field and I understand why she did the things she did for me, as a parent you want to protect and shield your kids especially in this crazy world we live in today.


Motherhood has definitely impacted my relationships, when you become a mother you are more much more aware of the people you allow in your life, not just because of yourself but you want to be sure these are the right kind of people you want around your children as well.

Being a mom is hard work, and every day is learning and trying to make the right decisions in your life because now your life reflects more than just you but your children too. I am not sure how good of a job I am doing at this whole motherhood thing, but I only pray and hope that I am giving my best at this job every single day.

Wishing all you mama's out there a wonderful mother's day!

And just like that, we have been in this marriage game for a year lol. No but seriously how does time just keep flying by though? I swear it feels just like yesterday when I was standing in our Westin Hotel room looking out at the crazy dark clouds that were forming outside on the day of our wedding and now a year later another little human has been added to the crew and I am trying to figure out what we will be eating for dinner, yes quite a bit has changed in a year. But I wouldn't trade it for anything, the other day while doing my nightly breastfeeding I got to thinking about this past year of being a wife and I realized truly everyday has been a learning experience, so I thought I would share the few key things this past year has taught me.

• If you bottle it up, you end up losing: This was very hard for me the first few months of our marriage its very hard for me to express myself because I don't want to be a bother to others, so I would much rather just brush it under the rug. But in my case, brushing it under the rug just means we push it way back in and then I end up just resenting you every time you do that thing. But clearly being married to someone and planning to spend the rest of my life with them, its not really easy to just resent and be angry with him so I had to learn to speak up right when something doesn't seat well with me. Marriage is majorly about communication!
• Fighting Right and fair: I remember when we went through marriage counselling, the pastor had talked to us about fighting right and fight fair. I think at that time I didn't quite understand what he was getting at, well I learnt that I definitely don't fight fair. In part it had to do with not really speaking up and so when you bottle things up for so long you blow up and then you end up blowing up to someone who has no idea what they have done because you haven't communicated that with them. I still am working on this, and I am sure it will continue to be a work in progress but I think the fact that I am aware I do this is a step in the right direction. 
• The reality of marriage: Not gonna lie before getting married I always had my own idea of what marriage is and I am gonna tell you that was all a big pile of B.S lol. Thanks to social media and just the world we live in, the idea of the wedding is sold on a bed of roses, but marriage isn't really praised. This first year of marriage has opened my eye to the reality of just that, coming from a long distance relationship to being a married couple there has been quite a bit of adjusting we have had to endure and also moving out of that idea of me and you to now us.

For most of you who don't know, I am Nigerian born and raised (hence the name lol). Growing up I never really thought any big deal to my name because everyone I knew had Nigerian names and it was just the norm. I didn't really start to appreciate my name till I moved to the United States, of course it took a little while to appreciate the fact that my name was unique and  had a wonderful meaning behind it. So when it came to naming my kids I was very certain I wanted them to have unique names as well.

1. One reason why we wanted our kids to have traditional Nigerian names is because we want our children to learn about their culture fully and by carrying traditional Nigerian names we are already starting the learning process. You don't know how many times people stop me when they first see my name or hear my name wanting to know the meaning or just learn a little bit more about myself and where I come from. We believe by giving them their names, they get to learn and hopefully be able to teach someone about the country their parents both grew up in in and be proud of it as well.
2. We gave them traditional names because, like I said earlier its unique. Yes of course there are plenty of Simi and Temi's out there in the world but, the fact that they both are growing up in the United States  makes their name feel a little extra unique, and special to them.
3. And lastly we wanted names with meanings and meanings that would resonate with our own history. We could have easily given our girls names that most of the people they would interact with are familiar with or "Americanized " names but what fun is in that.