Alot .Of. Tola: July 2016

Recently I was listening to one of Mattie Jame's podcast episode Mattieologie ( if you haven't listened to any of her podcasts I highly recommend them, especially for new bloggers she shares many tips to run a successful blog) Anyway back to the podcast I listened to, she speaks on how balancing motherhood, marriage and owning a business has made her a bad friend. After listening to it, it got me thinking and I realized she was kind of talking about my life currently. I think after I became a mom I went from being an okay friend to a terrible one. I will be honest I already sucked at keeping in touch and reaching out to people, but something about being a mom, wife and working a full time job really makes you forget you had friends in the first place. I feel like my life revolves around those three roles, and when I do finally have some free time I would really love to spend time with friends (I really would), but me time just sounds so much better.

Clearly I know I am not the first woman to ever be married, have a child (imagine when I have more than one lol) work and still have some type of social life how are they doing this? so I have decided to try some new habits within the last month and hoping it will stick so I thought I would share and I hope this will help someone in the same boat as me. And you don' t have to be in the same exact situation as me, you could just be a newly wed like me with no kids that still wants to enjoy being a wife and not completely ditch your friends or you could be a single mom (or dad) who doesn't want to have your life completely revolve around your child and not remember who you were before your child came around. Here are the new habits I am trying out:

I have learnt to stay in touch whether it be via calling (I really don't remember how to do this though) texting and good old social media (thanks to so many social media outlets know my life has gotten quite a bit easier lol). I get so upset that my girlfriends make plans and don't even try to include me. But I think if the tables were turned and I constantly invite someone out, and they are always giving some type of excuse you bet I will not be inviting them anywhere anymore. So by reaching out I at least I am still doing my part, yes I sure as heck can't be out in them streets every weekend for happy hour or be on every single girls' trip but, I am still trying to catch up and see how they are doing and they can see the effort on my end.

I am trying very hard to actually make time, its very easy to say "oh I have so much going on....." and constantly flake out. Like the other day, some girlfriends were in town and had invited me out for drinks, honestly I went back on forth about how I really just wanted to stay home on a Friday night and do nothing instead just because I was tired from a long week and i have become very lame anyway , but honestly as much as I make scarifies for my husband and daughter I should be able to make a few sacrifices for good friends as well. I ended up going to happy hour for a few hours, and had fun and it was a better idea than just seating home and doing nothing.

Plain ole Communicating why I can't make certain things and try to explain why I can't do certain things. Obviously my friends understand my life is at a different place than it was 5 years or even 2 years ago so they will understand me canceling or going MIA certain times. But as a good friend I have to understand that, I can't always just flake on someone and expect them to ALWAYS understand. If the tables were turn I would see it as I am not really that important of a friend to this person which is why they can't make any time for me. So just explaining sometimes and giving a back story, I believe a person is more understanding because they get the full picture.

This picture pretty much summarizes how my turn up go these days lol FYI this is a very old picture but her attitude still very much the same :)

All in all there have been plenty of times where I wish I could have been out with the girls till whatever time, or I am completely missing the inside joke because I wasn't on that trip but if there is one thing I have learnt is that my life is EXACTLY where its meant to be. Its all a matter of balance! I would love to hear how you all balance this part of your life, please let me know in the comments.

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As most if not all of you know, I recently got married and still enjoying the bliss of newlywed. But previous to that my hubby and I were in a long distance relationship. It's so funny because every time people ask me how we met and I start to tell the story, people are usually stunned by the fact that we were in a long distance relationship for so long and got married. So I thought I would take some time to speak on my story and how we made it from long distance relationship to husband and wife.

My husband and I met in the fall of 2010 while I was taking a girl's trip to Dallas, and ever since then till the day we became officially husband and wife we were in a long distance relationship well other than the short time I moved to Dallas for about nine months( that's a story for another day). So here are the few ways we were able to make it from long distance to marriage.

Photo by Sobia Deen Photography

Set your exceptions right off the bat: I will be honest I didn't do this when I first entered my relationship hence why our relationship was dragged out so long. But you need to have that conversation off the bat, especially when you notice things start to get more serious. You want to set your expectations for what you are wanting out of the relationship, how long will you do the long distance deal before someone has to move, what you can take and can't take. Because you don't want to waste your time being in a relationship with someone for a year or even more and your expectations are not aligned and you are not working towards the same goals.

Set in your budget the money for baecations to see each other, but also know that you are not in your average relationship: with a long distance relationship you will be sure to do a lot of back of forth traveling and its not always so cheap. While me and my hubby were dating, we tried to see each other every other month and lord did we spend a lot of money on those tickets. But even with those it never seemed like we saw each other enough. So definitely plan for those visit and set into into your budget and expectations how much and how often you both will be willing to spend. Its also important to know that you won't be able to see each other as often as you would like to but, learn to make those trips worth it. And if your exceptions are set then you know this won't be forever.
Trust and communication: This is the most important thing, relationships are hard no matter if you are in a long distance one or local, but when in a long distance relationship you will deal with even bigger tests. So you have to communicate, I would even say over communicate because this person isn't there to see your emotions and there might even be days when you only get to talk to them for a few minutes the whole day so communicate about it all. Trust is needed in any relationship, and when in a long distance relationship that is when the true test of trust plays a part. I think if you are constantly communicating, then it go hand in hand with trust.

All in all, long distance relationships are hard and it takes a lot of commitment, but a the end of the day just remember if you believe its worth it then you will be willing to put the work into it to make it work. If any of you have ever been in or are in a long distance relationship, I would love to hear your story and what are some tips you used to make it work.

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